Elderhood with grace mark 11...

mostly for women, I think

Substack tells me I published this a year ago (actually it said two years, but even my mathematically-challenged algorithms know that’s wrong because I didn’t write a Substack blog in those days!) – and maybe new subscribers since then would like to read it. OK, who am I to argue with Substack? So here’s a very slightly updated version. (Tell me, lovely male readers, is any of it relevant to blokes?)

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This is one of the occasional posts from the ‘reflective practice’ aspect of my Fire in the Head course programme.

I find myself this morning thinking about the eldering process. This grew out of my daughter going through my wardrobe and coveting some of my nicer clothes (see #9. I’m still considering how generous I want to be there!)

If this is of interest to you, read on…

1 Slow down. As we age there seem to be more and more commitments and responsibilities; remember the first commitment and responsibility is to yourself (that may be questionable if you’re a carer or parent of young children)

2 You don’t need to aspire to achieve more and more on a personal or professional level in the outer world. Aspire, instead, to nourish your inner world, to live with more depth

3 Give up competitiveness, rivalry, envy. Oh and shame, embarrassment and insecurity. It’s all human, but it’s basically just the ego

4 A quiet mind and heart is worth more than fame and riches

5 Focus on your own values and personal strengths. Be creative; be inspired by something every day; learn to love yourself as you would like to be loved by another (and learn to love others like that too)

6 You’ve earned those lines and wrinkles, the grey hairs. Don’t be too keen to get rid of them. Plus your beauty, your past, your life till now, is vested in them

7 Consider the power of some kind of spiritual practice; even if it’s only just a little ‘time out’, being really still, and quiet, right here, right now, in full awareness of the passing moment, listening to the birds

8 Remember the power of silence, and of ‘keeping your counsel’ or holding your tongue, especially when you’d rather be sharp or irritable

9 Parents: let your offspring be right, or win, sometimes; teach them how to value themselves. Mothers: let your daughter pinch your best clothes, especially if they no longer fit you/she’d look better in them

10 Smile more. Practice gratitude. When I offer reflective mentoring, I emphasise the practice of gratitude, especially during hard times: 3 good things from the day, just before you sleep (I make no apology if you find this squirm-inducing, but I might ask ‘Why?’)

11 Listen. Learn to really listen. ‘So much of listening is hearing what we expect to hear and tuning out the rest’ (who said that?)

12 Your friends are invaluable. Let them know that: cherish your friendships

13 Exercise; maybe dance. Eat healthily and well and enjoy your food. Enjoy cooking for others, with good ingredients, love and care. Have screen-free meals

14 Blossom. You’re never too old to blossom. Encourage others to blossom

15 Boundaries. Blossoming doesn’t mean having no boundaries. Be aware of yours. Think of the blackthorn – beautiful early-spring blossoms on black boughs; enough thorns to keep those who wish it harm, or are neglectful of its wellbeing, at a distance (in my Celtic Tree Calendar as outlined in my book A Spell in the Forest, blackthorn, twin of hawthorn, is the tree of the cailleach, the eldering wise crone)

16 Be kind. ‘Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.’ (Plato) The Dalai Lama says that his religion is kindness.